Not sure what to do at this stage

Subject: Not sure what to do at this stage Fri Nov 16, 2018 10:27 pm

Hey thanks if your reading this. I really just needed a place to vent out some anxiety. I have a limited amount of people that I can really talk through some of my feelings with. The biggest issue is that my vampire family and my non-vampire family don't mesh, like, at all! This has become a real problem and because of the feelings of some of the people that are close to me I really don't or can't say much about what I'm feeling. As far as my parents, siblings, and blood relatives, they really don't know about the vampire side of me. I've tried to explain it to them but I usually get things like it's a phase, grow up, youre only looking attention and things like that. My husband is aware of what am I am and I would say that he more or less tolerates it,l but he doesn't really support it and he doesn't want it in our home. This really affects me because I feel like when im at home I have to pretend to be someone else and that bothers me because my home is supposed to be my safe place to explore who I am and not have to tone it down or keep it in the shadows. Thats really not cool because the majority of friends that I have are all from the vampire community and I cant even have them over to my house because my husband will throw a fit. Hes also always trying to get me involved with other things and other people that are more what he considers appropriate.

In the beginning of our marriage things weren't really that bad. At that time I hadnt really had my awakening yet. I didnt know what it was to be a vampire and had never met anyone that was one. I always knew that there was something different about me but I could never put a label on it. When I started to really understand what was happening to me and I started talking to people who could help then it became something laughable. He didnt really think that I was serious about it and so made it out as some type of joke. The more serious I did become though, the more problems we started to have. I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and why this was so important to me but I got remarks anywhere from are you into santan worship all the way to, maybe you need to be committed to a mental hospital. It really started to scare me that he would think or say these things. He even went so far as to tell me that he was worried I might try to sacrifice our daughter or drink her blood or something! He said that he was ready to move out and take her with him! Thats when I started to kind of sweep everything under the rug and anything that had to do with being a vampire I kept out of my house and back in the shadows.

Hiding who I was seemed to work for a while but then over the last couple of years he's gotten kind of controlling or demanding. Its like I have to tell him where I am going, how long im going to be gone, who im with and when im coming back. He'll also start calling my smart phone if Im not back when he thinks I should be. Last week he informed me that I was now under a curfew. From now on I have to be at home no later than 11pm unless I am out somewhere with him. And if he leaves I have to sit here beside the phone and wait for him to call and check on me to make sure that Im still here. I have no idea why hes gotten so paranoid lately. Its like he doesnt trust me. I asked him if he thinks im cheating on him or something and he said no that he just wants to make sure Im not out doing something Im not supposed to be doing. thats a laugh. Most of what I do is work, clean the house and take care of our daughter. I dont have time for anything else and honestly it seems to me like Aaron is doing his best to make sure that I dont have time for anything else. He used to be really helpful around the house. Especially if I had a really huge project that I was working on. He'd help with Mia and cook and do some house work and let me work on my projects but here lately, even if I have a huge payday coming from of my sculptors, he wont lift a finger to help me do anything. He just sits on his ass and watches me as I clean or cook and gets kind of pissy with me if the living room is a mess or dinner is not waiting on him when he walks through the door.

I told him that I would have more time for other stuff if he would help me clean up some, at least take the damn trash out, but he just rolls his eyes and says its not his job. I guess his job is to make a mess so I can clean it up. Sess wanted me to go to a movie with him last month and have kind of a "girls day out" and when I mentioned it to Aaron he said, and my apologies Sess and Raven, that I didn't need to be hanging around that queer. Aaron doesnt even know about this site. If he did can can be sure my profile would be deleted. I couldnt be writing this now if it wasnt for the fact that hes in bed. He likes to stand over me and see what sites I go to. Thankfully I dont get a lot of computer time in when hes up because I always have other things to do so at the end of the night im able to sit back and relax some and have time to myself.

Im not looking for sympathy from anyone and im sorry if this post sounds like im just complaining. I just really dont have anyone to talk to and I know that there are some from my vampire family who would confront Aaron if they knew what was going on and I really dont want that kind of trouble starting up between them. I do still have to live with my husband and its easier to comply than to have hostility in my home thats why I really dont to say anything to some of the coven members, especially the ones that I know will go off if they find out. I just really needed to get some of this stuff off my chest so I could breathe again and maybe writing it down will help me put it all in perspective so I can figure out a solution that will work for everyone involved. Thanks again if you have read this and sorry for the venting I promise every post I make wont be such a downer as this one.

Subject: Re: Not sure what to do at this stage Sat Nov 17, 2018 5:37 am

i know you dont want to hear much, but your life will change for the better when your ready to make it change until then just be you and stay calm within yourself ,sorry were not here all day and night , but we do pop into chat through out the day night , i feel bad that i missed you for a chat , maybe next time, take good care Smile

Subject: Re: Not sure what to do at this stage Sat Nov 17, 2018 12:54 pm

Hi, Faerin.

I'm not privy to the Vampire side of things, but I can relate to being married with a small child, working, and all the responsibilities that come with it, and evolving into things that I was afraid my husband would not understand. No one can tell you what to do at this stage, and maybe you aren't really asking, but I'm just sharing info so you can see you aren't completely alone. I happened to get lucky and it turns out my husband is cool with everything I do. However, when our daughter was small I didn't tell him about sensing or seeing spirits. I was seriously afraid he would try to have me committed and take our daughter away- those were my own fears, not something he actually said. As my daughter grew up I began studying metaphysics, Tarot, and all sorts of stuff. I kept all of this to myself and didn't have a single deck or anything related to the occult anywhere in plain view in my house. This was for fear her friend's parents would have an opinion and keep my daughter from socializing with them. I think, as you said, our home should be a sanctuary, but when others live in our home, we have to respect their understanding of things and how what we do could affect their lives. I know we all want to feel safe and comfortable in our own homes, they need to respect our beliefs, but we also need to respect theirs. There is a time and a place for everything, I think. I hope you come to a place where things are fair and balanced in your home.

A lot of what you mentioned is just regular marriage stuff, you'll either work together or grow resentful and grow apart.

I must say, if my husband ever said I didn't need to be "hanging out with that queer" we'd have some damned serious thinking to do about staying together or not.

You will have to decide what you will and will not tolerate in your life. Pick your battles. Best of luck to you.

Subject: Re: Not sure what to do at this stage Sat Nov 17, 2018 7:50 pm

You already know my thoughts on this situation and you know that I won't do or say shit without your consent but should the day come that you want my assistance all you need do is ask.

Subject: Re: Not sure what to do at this stage Mon Nov 19, 2018 4:39 pm

I have that same issue with my family...i know the feeling of being the "outcast" or the "black sheep" of the family......it's tough and frustrating on how to explain myself......I know it's not their fault cuz it's the generation and it's taught in society....trying to find like-minded individuals, like me, can be overwhelming.....but thanks to the internet, and (certain) chat rooms and websites, it has gotten a lil easier

Subject: Re: Not sure what to do at this stage Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:43 am

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post. It means a lot to actually have people who care. I hope that you all had a good holiday. Best wishes to everyone. Thanks again and hopefully we can all talk again real soon. kitten